How to be Solo

I wasn’t worried about being alone when I left the UK four months ago. I knew that at times I would feel lonely. That I would have to rely on myself to find solutions and be good company. That there might be times I felt swallowed up and washed out to sea with no idea which direction to swim. 

Over the past few months, lots of this has been true. I’ve felt lonely, when I’m on my own and when I’ve been with others. I’ve encountered challenges and found ways to overcome them. I’ve had moments where every emotion my body has been trying to process has wreaked itself throughout me and left me wondering if I'm even capable of being on my own. And all of these experiences have been as educational and vital as each other – even if they’ve been hard.

There are difficulties being a solo traveller, and loneliness can be one of them. Sometimes, when I’m in a moment alone, often one that is beautiful or exciting, there is a bittersweet tang to it. I am so grateful to be experiencing something so wonderful and I want to share it. Sometimes it's specific, and I want to be with someone I love. Other times, I miss the community of experiencing something with a group. On occasion I’ll see others in their groups and share smiles and comments, and this offers a sense of that community. But at the same time, seeing others with people they love can remind me that people I do aren’t with me.

In some situations, it’s practicality that makes me feel alone. If there’s something I’d like to do, but can't do alone for whatever reason, or a problem that I can’t bounce off someone else. I’m lucky to have a fantastic support network of family and friends back home, but they’re often asleep when I’m awake (and it can feel silly wanting to ring home because I’m not sure of something – even if that’s not silly). I also have friends in the country, but not always the ease of someone next to me, encouraging or collaborating in the room. 

But it is important to remember that loneliness is not exclusive to situations where you are alone. I’ve felt lonely even when with friends, or when I know they are nearby. Sometimes emotions aren’t logical. Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel something, even if you don’t want to. 

And you can use that feeling, and the discomfort that comes with sitting with it. I use it to motivate my writing, and to remind me to reach out to others to check in on them. Just because I am out here on my own doesn’t mean my friends and family back home aren’t experiencing similar (or other difficult) feelings. And my fellow travellers as well; no one understands these feelings like them. 

Because as much as loneliness is difficult, I know that solo travelling is for me. The rewards you can reap by doing something huge on your own are unmatchable. 

As a solo traveller, I have learnt so much. About myself and what I’m capable of, what I want in life, how to go out and grab it (and I’m still working on that). I’ve learnt that I love meeting new people and taking risks. I love choosing how my time is spent and not always having to compromise on what I want. I’ve learnt that a few seconds of bravery can unlock a world of joy. 

I’ve learnt to cling to those joys with both hands, that they can live long in my memory even after the moment is over. I’ve learnt that travelling like this and learning as I go is exactly what I want for myself. Even when it’s tough. Even when I’m walking through the rainy streets of Melbourne with hot tears racing down my cheeks (true story). Even when I’m asking myself what the heck I have done. 

Because, in life, if you can relish the joys and take comfort in learning, why would you do anything else?